Toxic Byte

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father’s business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. &! nbsp;He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Invention

* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
* Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
* The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Language

* No word in the English language rhymes with “month”.
* Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* “Go.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Meanings

* “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100 of a second.

Nature

* In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined.
* Almonds are a member of the peach family.
* The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

Our World

* Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”
* On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Religion

* The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

Spelling

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro

Trivia

* In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

According to a news report, a certain private school in Markham, OH was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Several memos were posted about this without effect. Finally the Principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls just how hard it was.

Following the instructions, the man took out a long-handled squeegee, solemnly dipped it in the nearest toilet bowl, and scrubbed at the mirror.

There was complete silence in the room. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are Teachers… and then there are Educators

Mary Poppins was travelling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

“Certainly madam”, he replied courteously.

“Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary.

“Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?”

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please,” said Mary.

“Certainly madam,” he replied.

“And can I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely.

The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please,” Mary mused.

After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out.

The same guy was still on the desk. “Morning madam…sleep well?” “Yes, thank you,” Mary replied. “Food to your liking?”

“Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don’t think I have had better. Shame about the eggs tho….they really weren’t that nice at all,” replied Mary truthfully.

“Oh…well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion,” said the receptionist.

“Ok I will…thanks!” replied Mary….who then checked out, paused awhile, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. Here it is………

“Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!!!!

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals Dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in South Africa but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.