Toxic Byte

The toy giggles and breaks into hysterics when its stomach is touched. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and b egins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of uncontrollable hilarity he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… “Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.

“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi. “He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”

“My god”, shrieks Carol. “Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?”

“No thank goodness” sniffs Judi. “But it was the one just next to it!”

Pump kin.

It’s me and bruce…

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says “Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”

The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren;” and *poof* she’s gone.
The second says, “I want to be Madonna;” and *poof* she’s gone.
The third says, “I want to be Sara Pipalini.”

St. Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he says.
“Sara Pipalini;” replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; “I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell.”

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says “No sister, the paper says it was the ‘Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.”